Hari
Om
Each 'Choose-day' we will investigate the process by
which we can reassess our activity and interaction with the world of plurality
and become more congruent within our personality.
The next text which will guide the
Choose-day posts is "Tips for Happy Living - jIvnsUÇai[
/jiivanasuutraani", by Swami Tejomayananda (Guru-ji). Choose-days writings
are here to prompt deeper thinking on the choices made on a daily basis and
seek to provide prompts for raising the standard of one's thinking and living.
This text composed in format of Sanskrit traditional teachings, speaks directly
to this purpose. As ever, the full text may be obtained from CM Publications - or your local centre
(see sidebar).
The
ebb and flow of help can be hampered. How so?
sahaYySy
SvIkr[e àdane vah<karae n kr[Iy>.6.
Saahaayyasya
sviikarane pradaane vaahamkaaro na karaniiyaH ||6||
In accepting or giving this help, there should be no
ego (or arrogance).
We'll
come to the giving part shortly, but first let us look at how ego can interfere
with the receiving of help.
It
might be thought that it is not possible to have ego in this case; however ego
is ever-present! We saw last week that we certainly ought not to become
dependent upon others, seek unnecessary assistance, or make a habit of asking
for help to the point where we no longer know how to help ourselves. The risk
we run, like the boy who cried 'wolf', is that those who might be of help no
longer believe we genuinely need them, or even think that we are seeking to
cheat them of something in some way, and we are left adrift when a true need
arises. We all know of someone in our circles, almost certainly, who is thought
of as a 'limpet', always needy and feckless. We must always be caring, but the
best thing we can do for such is to seek to empower them. If we are in anyway
that person, we must find a way to come out of our habit of helplessness.
Most
folk are not at that extreme however and there can always be times when a
genuine need for help arises. It turns out, though, that our ego-selves are not
so good at asking for the help we so much need. We see it in others but are not
so good at seeing it in ourselves. Pride prevents the request for assistance.
Indeed, there can be a pride from not
requesting or accepting help!
This
can come about because, depending which part of society we are in, we fear
being put under obligation. Or it can quite simply be that we see ourselves as
the ones who always do the helping, why do should we need help ourselves?
It
can be small things. How many of us have driven with a friend or relative on a
journey and found that we are lost. The driver is stubborn with pride and
refuses to ask for directions. It may be that they fear losing 'face' in front
of strangers (who could care less!). Embarrassment is a figment of ego, every
bit as much as pride. If our pride is so enlarged it cannot ask
straightforwardly for directions, how much harder can it be if we have serious
woes? Seeking assistance in genuine circumstances is not a wrong thing. To let
our ego prevent that request and result in a deepening of the situation we find
ourselves in is folly indeed.
As
for the helping of others, we may know someone who is all the time taking over
or speaking for another out of turn… "but I was only trying to help"
will be their cry! That kind of help can be interpreted as interfering. Be
careful of not being branded thus! It is the ego which drives us to reach in
where we may not have been invited.
Equally,
when we are genuinely asked to provide assistance, we must guard against any
conceit. There ought not to be any sense of superiority or judgement - a common
failing with near and dear ones in particular. That "I told you so"
is one of the most damning remarks possible and comes only from our ego… the
original 'telling so' came from that source also. Guidance is one thing,
'telling so' quite another. Anything that we do or say which places the
receiver of our 'help' in a lower place mentally or emotionally, is driven by
our ego-self.
Giving
out of pride, out of pity, out of expectation of gain at a later point are all
ego-based. Note also, that some of the most ego-driven 'giving' comes from
those in positions where giving ought to be second nature and without taint, in
schools, in medical institutions, in faith structures. "See what good I
do?" There are those who give out of habit and with no particular caring
thought; others give out of obligation or simply because they are instructed to
do so. Some give too much, some are grudging.
It
is fraught with spiritual risk, this help thing! The best of help is that which
is given unheralded, in humility, asked or unasked but always appropriate.
